When a good friend of my mother named Jim, who I had known for almost my whole life, was sick with ALS, we went to visit him in the home that he was being kept in after he was released from the hospital. At this point, they knew that there was no way to cure him, so the were really just using machines to sustain him and make the last few weeks or months slightly more comfortable. I remember when Andy was talking to us at one point, i believe he said that he had a friend who was a doctor and had told him that the last 6 weeks of a persons life is always when they recieve the most medical treatment. This probably contributed to the way my family and I acted around Jim. I visited him a few times, but for all of the times I was fully aware of the situation and that he would probably not be alive for much longer.
Despite the seriousness of the disease that Jim had, he was still able to keep relitively high spirits. More than anything, he was curious as to what was going on in our lives. In the beginning, visiting him was a little bit awkward because I was not really sure how I should act. It was also extremely hard to understand what Jim was saying because he couldn't actually speak at all, he was only capable of mouthing the words. My parents would act extremely pleased to see him and were constantly smiling. Not to say that they weren't, but there is no way that they could have been as happy as they looked knowing that their old friend was going to die soon. Jim would be smiling at times as well, because I'm sure he was happy to see us. However, we knew perfectly well that the only reason he was choosing to be kept alive was because he wanted to see his daughter grow.
There were many nurses who were helping to keep Jim as comfortable as possible, and he had things to say about almost all of them. Some of the nurses were very kind to him, and although in this particular situation their job required them to make sure the patients stay was as comfortable as possible, it was clear that they were making an extra effort and actually felt for Jim. However, apparently there were others who were not nearly as considerate as they could have been. The whole situation seemed extremely similar to what the guest speaker that visited our class, Beth, was dealing with. Everyone around the hospital knew that Erik was not going to have much more time to live, but for the most part, people sill made an attempt to keep a positive attitude which resulted in the patient feeling better about everything that was going on. Also, even though it is hard to be as caring as Paul Farmer in Mountains Beyond Mountains, all of the staff that I saw every time I visited were very welcoming and kind. At least from my point of view.
I think you did a very good job on this post. I especially liked the part where you wrote how Jim was feeling about the way he was being treated by the nurses. Like when you said, "and although in this particular situation their job required them to make sure the patients stay was as comfortable as possible, it was clear that they were making an extra effort and actually felt for Jim. However, apparently there were others who were not nearly as considerate as they could have been." This really showed how even though the patient was not able to move or speak at all, he was still able to communicate the way he felt about what was going on, and it is very good that you were able to observe that.
ReplyDelete"More than anything, he was curious as to what was going on in our lives.... Jim would be smiling at times as well, because I'm sure he was happy to see us. However, we knew perfectly well that the only reason he was choosing to be kept alive was because he wanted to see his daughter grow."
ReplyDeleteVery interesting observation. Jim seems to have kept trying to hold onto the good, 'normal' things as an anchor in the face of such a terrible, debilitating disease. Even when he was so incapacitated, he knew his daughter could give him joy, and (I think) that he could be a positive presence/memory for his daughter.
" In the beginning, visiting him was a little bit awkward because I was not really sure how I should act."
ReplyDeleteI think this is a really interesting line because you are very honest about how you were feeling. I think a lot of times people do not want to admit that it was weird seeing someone they were so close with in a completely different state. You also seem to really capture this point when you say:
"Not to say that they weren't, but there is no way that they could have been as happy as they looked knowing that their old friend was going to die soon."
You just really seemed to approach the whole situation realistically and I think it showed in your writing. I liked this post a lot, good job!
From your description of visiting your friend who was dying from ALS, I have a picture of your parents with nonstop smiles on their faces, of your friend the patient smiling quite a lot, and of you with a slightly smaller smile wondering why everyone seems to have exaggerated smiles on their faces at such an unsmiley time. Later you explain that keeping a positive attitude results in a patient’s more positive attitude, but I think your observation of the irony of acting almost too happy at such an unhappy time is a great insight. In a way visiting a dying person does require a good acting job because visitors cannot show their depression and make the dying person feel even worse. Smiles are infectious, and smiling at someone almost forces that person to smile back. Smiles can also be a nervous reaction and there is probably some of that going on too. I liked the description of the dying friend describing all the nurses who were taking care of him. They make up his world, and it is great that he could praise some and be critical of others and give you a picture of what was going on in his life especially when it was so hard to talk. It probably took a lot of effort trying to understand your friend speak. I was just curious about what his room was like and whether he had tubes and medical equipment attached to him. I also wondered how old his daughter was. You made me want to know more about him.
ReplyDeleteBen,
ReplyDeleteNice post! i enjoyed the way you included so many different sources that we covered from our class. The writing was well done, but a line that really stood out to me from all the others was, "Not to say that they weren't, but there is no way that they could have been as happy as they looked knowing that their old friend was going to die soon. " when i read this i thought about the way we feel when we are around ill and dying people. i felt as though we consistently look for ways to keep ourselves comfortable in the situation. i hear people say "they are going to a better place" or reminders about how its only natural. The ill/dying person seems to do the same.