Insights-
1. One thing that I thought was interesting was how neither Beth or Erik ever used the words death or dying in order to provide positive energy.
2. Another experience that Beth shared with us that I thought was interesting was how she chose to take care of him, with only the help of Evan.
3. Finally, one of the more subtle insights in Beth's story was how she said Evan and Josh were very close to their father.
The fact that the words death and dying were never used in the hospital or at any time around Erik is something that I am very familiar with. Every time I have ever visited someone I know in the hospital, words like those were never mentioned. For instance, when my family and I went to visit a good friend of my mother's who had ALS, all we talked about were postive things like how everyone was doing and how the Patriots game went, things like that. Also, the way that Beth took care of her husband with only the help of her 13 year old son is spectacular to me, and also something that I am familiar with. When my grandmother was ill (which was really for as long as I can remember her being alive), my aunt took care of her all by herself for years. They lived on the same property in two different houses, and the only time anyone other than herself would take care of her mother was when she needed to go to work. The third insight about how close Erik was to his to children is actually sort of different from my own life. Although I was always close to my father, he was always out working when I was younger. I imagine that the fact that Evan and Josh were so close to their father was a very good thing, but it also probably made it harder for them when he passed away.
The first question that Beth's presentation sparked for me was something like: How do people's experiences differ when talking about how they were treated by their doctor? The reason this question popped into my head is because Beth said that the oncologist was very cheerful and agreed to treat him with confidence that it would by him some time. However, on many TV shows and even from a lot of family friends that I know, I have heard stories about horrible doctors and bad treatment. In the case of Erik, on the other hand, no medication or treatment was never denied and Beth never even had to pay a hospital bill!
I liked that you made a lot of connections in your post, but maybe you could've elaborated a little more. For instance, did it seem to help your mother's friend feel more positive when you avoided the subject of death? Or maybe, why was it so spectacular to you that Beth had her 13 year old son help her? I can imagine why, but it would be interesting to hear about it too. Otherwise I thought your post was really interesting considering the fact that you seemed to be able to understand Beth's motives through your own personal experience.
ReplyDeleteI liked your first connection about visiting your good friend's mother with ALS in the hospital and how you would chat about the Patriots (cannot believe you're a Patriot fan) in order to keep the conversation upbeat. I know that ALS is a terrible disease and it would be interesting to hear how seeing someone with it firsthand affected you. I myself have never been with anyone with a serious disease. I think that having that experience must be powerful and important in the way that it makes death and dying more real, making us aware, as Beth said, of our own mortality. I also liked the connection you made to Beth's taking care of her husband with only the help of her son when you told us that your aunt took care of your sick grandmother all by herself. I think it must be true that many more women take care of sick and dying relatives than men do. It's obviously much nicer for a sick person not to have to be in the hospital but it must have been a huge burden in this case for your aunt.
ReplyDelete"For as long as I can remember ... She was ill for her entire life..."
ReplyDeleteThis is a really powerful image - that all we may really know or remember about a grandparent is the time when they were sick, frail,or incapacitated by disease at the end of their lives. You knew your grandmother for the eight years of her final illness, but didn't have the chance to know her life prior to the illness.
I think it's the relationship and history of people BEFORE the illness that gives both the patient and the caregiver the strength to stay positive and loving as you fight against the disease. That's what makes it possible to chat about the Patriots - some things you may not be able to share anymore, but you look for all the things you still CAN share. A sick person's 'road' is a much slower journey than young, healthy, busy people 'walk'. You have to slow way down to the sick person's pace, and look for ways to 'walk' together.
I really liked when you said "I imagine that the fact that Evan and Josh were so close to their father was a very good thing, but it also probably made it harder for them when he passed away." I know from experience that when you are not as close to a family member, it is not as hard to deal with their death when the time comes. So it would make sense if the closer you are to someone the harder it is to deal with their passing. I also liked the way you were able to connect the ideas that Beth had to your own life and it would have been nice to hear more about her experience if she said anything else.
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